What Kind of Friend Are You?

by Victoria Gaines
Published November 27, 2006

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You too? I thought I was the only one!" ~ C.S. Lewis

Over the years, my bond with certain friends has been strengthened to the degree we were willing to let the other peek into our heart -- through a feeling, an experience, a struggle, or a mutual confession. Occasionally I've bumped into criticism, indifference, or the total inability of the other person to relate at all. While sometimes hurtful, that's okay. To risk transparency in the body of Christ is to let Him work through all our relationships. God eventually lets our paths cross with friends who can relate to our journey and offer hope.

There are levels of friendship; not everyone is meant to be our 'best bud.' The more we discover common ground, the closer we seem to grow. How precious is that first moment when we learn that we are not alone, that we're not so different after all, that God has knit our hearts together in Him, and blessed us with a understanding friend.

Sharing is vital to building friendships. But watch the progression here, from the seemingly trivial to deeper heart issues between different women:

"You're allergic to aspirin? Me, too."

"You've got two sons and a daughter? Hey, me, too! "

"Cabin fever? Tell me about it. Wanna see if our husbands can watch the kids this weekend and check out that art show?"

"You're divorced, too? It's tough when your old friends drift away, or the bills pile up and you don't know how you're gonna pay 'em. Sometimes I'm just overwhelmed."

"You had a hysterectomy? Had mine last year. How long did it take you to recover? Did you take hormones?"

"You've been through depression? I can't get out of the bed in the mornings, or get my work done. I cry a lot. I've been afraid to tell anyone..."

"You've got a prodigal, too? Could we get together and pray for them? I'm really hurting."

"I didn't realize you suffered from a chronic illness, too. I get tired of explaining why my energy level is low, don't you?"

"You sound discouraged, brokenhearted. Last year was like that for me…”

"Both your parents died from cancer? My folks died within 6 years of each other. The grief still comes in waves."

"Feel like God doesn't hear your prayers? Believe me, I've been there..."

"I didn't realize you were abused growing up. You know, I never told anyone what happened to me..."

"I'm afraid of losing my husband to this illness. Will you pray for me? Couldn't have admitted this if you hadn't shared what you did."

"God seems to be calling me to a deeper place in Him, but my family thinks I'm a kook. Thanks for encouraging my faith today."

Some friendships never scratch the surface because people are afraid to be real. Others never grow past a certain common hobby or shared interest and prefer it that way. But Christ calls us to love people wherever they are. Everyone has needs. And everyone needs Him, whether they realize it or not.

May we learn to listen to people's hearts--to hear what's being said as well as what isn't. Friendships are formed when two individuals choose to listen from the heart. Friends know that, while our circumstances may vary, our struggles are much the same.

Lord, that our friendships would honor You, that Your grace, and mercy, and healing would flow through us to each other. Forgive us when we've been insensitive or impatient with the needs of others. Mold us into godly women, reflecting the very nature of Jesus Christ in all we say and do. Amen.

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