Watching Our Words

by Brian Bill
Published October 2, 2007

A young man arrived early to pick up his girlfriend for their date. She ran to the door with wet hair and no makeup on her face. She was embarrassed and tried to make the best of the situation and so she smiled and said, “Well, what do you think?” He grinned and very wisely said, “It looks like something beautiful is about to happen!” Several years later, this couple got married. One day, the man came home to find his wife with her hair up in huge pink curlers. He looked at her and said, “What happened to your hair?” “I set it,” she responded. To which he replied caustically, “When does it go off?”

Words can devastate or delight, just ask the editors of “Newsweek.” Did you know that the Old Testament Book of Proverbs has a lot to say about what we say? This book refers to our words over 150 times in just 31 chapters!

Words are powerful for three reasons.

1. Words are everywhere. According to researchers, on an average day, we open our mouths 700 times, using about 18,000 words!

2. Words penetrate within. Proverbs 12:18: “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Our speech can lacerate a life in a matter of seconds.

3. Words spread far and wide. Proverbs 16:27: “A scoundrel plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.” Words don’t just evaporate once they’re spoken.

We’ve all used venomous verbs and noxious nouns. Many of us have been hung by our tongue on more than one occasion. In reading through the Book of Proverbs, I made a list that I’ve called the “Top Ten Tongue-Taming Tools.”

1. Think more. Most of my mouth mistakes are made because I simply don’t engage my mind first. I’ve experienced the truth of Proverbs 12:18 first-hand: “Reckless words pierce like a sword.”

2. Talk less. I love this quote from the Quakers: “Never break the silence unless you can improve on it.” Abraham Lincoln was fond of saying, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” Proverbs 17:28: “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.”

3. Listen better. Someone has said that we’ve been given two ears and one mouth so that we would listen twice as much as we talk. Proverbs 19:20: “Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.”

4. Encourage others. God can use your words to breathe life into a person who is piled by life’s problems. Proverbs 15:4: “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life.” If you were paid 10 cents for every kind word you said today and had to give away 5 cents for every critical comment, will you be rich or poor by the time you go to bed tonight?

5. Speak gently. One of the best ways to evaporate anger from your conversations is to work at being calm. Proverbs 15:1: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” As someone has said, “Keep your words soft and sweet; you never know when you may have to eat them.”

6. Cut others slack. Most of us are way too tough on others. We expect perfection from them while excusing our own behavior. We grow our grudges instead of giving grace. Proverbs 12:16: “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.”

7. Avoid gossip. Someone has said, “A gossip is just a fool with a keen sense of rumor.” Proverbs 11:13: “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” Remember this rule about gossip: “The more interesting it is, the more likely it is to be false.”

8. Tell the truth. Proverbs 12:17: “A truthful witness gives honest testimony but a false witness tells lies.” People value those who speak truth, even when it hurts.

9. Stop boasting. Proverbs 25:27: “It is not good to eat too much honey, nor is it honorable to seek one’s own honor.” Honey is good but it’s pretty tough to sit down and chug a quart of it. When you sing your own praise, you always sing out of tune.

10. Don’t quarrel. Proverbs 17:14: “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Don’t be the one to start or continue a quarrel.

Why is it so hard to say kind things with our tongues? It’s because our tongues are inextricably linked to our hearts. Jesus said: “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks...for out of the heart come evil thoughts…” Our words are but the public pronouncement of the private place of the heart.

Here are a few things you could do to change what comes out of your mouth:

First, ask for a new heart. Only God can give us the power we need to build others up instead of tearing them down. If you want to be a dispenser of life words instead of death words, you need to be rightly related to God.

Second, yield your tongue to God. Romans 6:13 challenges us to “not offer the parts of our body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer ourselves to God…” Your comments can be put under the Lord’s control. He can give you lips of life. He can give you a tender tongue. He can put words of wisdom in your mouth. He can sanctify your speech. But you must surrender to Him first.

Third, feast on the Word of God. God said this to the prophet Ezekiel: “Eat this scroll that I am giving you and fill your stomach with it.” He did what he was told and after feasting on the Word of God said, “It tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth.” Here’s a suggestion. Since Proverbs has 31 sweet chapters, read the chapter that corresponds with the day of the month. For instance, today you would read Proverbs 11. A Proverb a day might just keep those bad words away…

God can help us put a muffler on our mouths so that our words will be wiser. Will you allow Him to come into your life so you don’t “go off” on others?

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