My Life Isn’t My Own

“My life isn’t my own,” I complained after a long day at the office, as I was getting ready to go to yet another church event. “You wanted to be more involved, not me,” I continued vehemently, berating my husband.

It seemed like everyday there was some new responsibility as a pastor’s wife, mother, friend, employee or community volunteer. So I grumbled at home and then showed up at each event with a smile on my face, going through the motions, until it was finally time to come home. Frustrated, as I walked into my messy house (I never had time to clean), I threw down my jacket and continued to feel sorry for myself.

Sitting in the chair and turning on the television, I thought, “Even Jesus took time to rest.”

As if a small voice reached into my very being, I heard, Yes and Jesus didn’t have a nice home to come home to or enough belongings to have a messy house. He didn’t have the luxury of complaining about His work. His life wasn’t his own from the day that he was born.

Switching off the television remote, I picked up my jacket and walked to the closet to carefully hang it up. I began to straighten up the house; the home I was lucky to have. I hugged my husband, my pastor husband, that gave so much of his time to help others.

That night as I got ready for bed, I actually went to my knees as a child saying their bedtime prayers. “Lord make my heart a heart for you. I’m sorry that I am a spoiled brat! Please use me to accomplish your will. Forgive me my selfishness. Thank you for my home, my belongings, for food on the table and all those things that I take for granted. Bless those who are less fortunate that I am. My life isn’t my own since I accepted your son, Jesus, as my savior. I give this life to you.”

Luke 9:23 reminds us, “Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” And 1 Peter 2:21 tells us, “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.”

There is an implication in which Christians must give their lives to God every day. This is not speaking of a physical death as how Jesus died for us, but a daily total sacrifice of self to do the will of Jesus

It is so easy to forget who we are in Jesus. The world snatches away all peace and happiness and then dangles self satisfaction and self will in front of us. Yet, if our life is truly not our own, God uses that life to his own glory, giving us the joy that can only come from loving and serving Him. Why do I forget? It’s true, my life is not my own. I made that choice when I decided to follow Jesus.

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Donetta Garman is the author of "Growing Up Ugly" (Tate Publishing, 2008) and a wife of a rural church pastor. She resides in Osceola, Missouri with her husband of twenty one years, Gar Garman, on an idyllic spot in the Ozark foothills.
© 2008 Donetta Garman - All rights reserved. Used with permission.