Love is a Laid Down Life

by Victoria Gaines
Published March 13, 2007

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.”
~ John 15:13

How would your friends describe you? Sensitive? Loyal? Caring? That’s how I saw myself a few years ago until the Lord opened my eyes. Our so-called ‘virtues’ sometimes stem from an underlying need for approval or reciprocation. I never thought much about that until something hurtful surfaced in a friendship many years ago.

Lynnette and I clicked the moment we met at bible study. We laughed, talked, and soon discovered a common love for books, old movies, and antique shops. Many times we’d meet for coffee and talk for hours about the Lord, PMS, our marriages, and raising kids. Each coffee klatch struck a thankful chord in me, especially since our family had just relocated. I needed friends.

Lynnette began to wade through some depression. Although she camouflaged it at first, I sensed something was wrong. When she described how she had to pull herself out of bed every morning, I listened quietly. Sometimes she smiled, choking back tears. I told her I’d been there, too, and offered to pray. “And promise you’ll check on me if I ever drop off the face of the earth,” she said. With a hug, I promised, and determined to be a good friend.

Weeks passed and Lynnette dropped out of bible study. She stopped returning my calls. I slipped her a couple cards in the mail, but continued to pray. I figured she needed some space, but remembered my promise to check on her. Eventually, it was time to make sure my friend was okay. I drove to her house.

When Lynnette answered the front door, a stranger stood in the threshold. “Get over this friend thing and leave me alone!” she snapped, then slammed the door. While the shock of her words registered, tears filled my eyes. I knocked on the door again. This time she cracked it open, and peered at me. “Can’t you SEE that I don’t do friendships?” Whatever I mumbled in response is a complete blur to me now, but the walk back to the car was a long one. My heart pounded. As I drove home, enormous anger rose up in me. Lord, why is she treating me like this? After all I’ve done for her! Suddenly the friendship was all about my hurt, my rejection, my feelings.

I pouted with God. I thought about all the times I had initiated friendships, nurtured them, and grew through them. What happened with Lynette?

God knew. And He began to speak to the ache in my heart: “Are you willing to invest in people for My sake, or your own? My love is a laid down life.” Wow. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. But as the Holy Spirit searched my heart, the dross of selfishness rose to the top. I needed to learn how to love people when they weren’t capable of loving me back.

Lynnette, for whatever reasons that year, could only give so much in friendship. God still expected me to love her---but without strings or expectations. He did a curious thing, too. He reminded me of all the times I remained distant in the past when He had so lovingly pursued my heart. I melted with conviction. Even if I didn’t understand my friend’s struggle, I needed to move past my woundedness and pray for her.

God began to teach me about sacrificial love. It’s more than giving up a Saturday to help a friend paint, or helping meet a financial need instead of buying myself new clothes. Sacrificial love means loving people when they don’t exactly love us back. A laid-down life gives people the ultimate freedom to accept or reject us. Real love does not manipulative, keep score, or retaliate. With deeper understanding, I gave my hurt and my friendship to the Lord that day.

To my surprise, Lynnette called after a year of silence. She needed to talk, explain a few things, and wanted to know if I was still her friend. I smiled because I hadn’t stopped praying for her. Had I been bitter, my response would have been very different that day. Thankfully the Lord had prepared my heart for real friendship, and Lynnette and I were able to reconnect.

Will I risk rejection again? I think so. Isn’t that what Jesus did for us?

Lord, forgive me for trying to get my needs met through other people. It’s not about me, anyway---it’s about you, blessed Savior. It’s about loving people sacrificially without regard to what they can do or give in return. Help me remember that all my needs are first met in You, dear Lord. Show me how to love others for Your sake, and not my own sake. Amen.

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