Your Love: Is It Growing?

by Victoria Gaines
Published January 10, 2007

"If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them." ~ Luke 6:32, ESV

January continues to be a month of spiritual reflection for me. I’ve been reading “Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health” by Donald Whitney. In chapter three, the author cuts to the chase when he states that love is the clearest mark of a Christian. But Whitney is only reminding us of what Jesus already said: "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35).

We often attempt to be like Jesus. We want to appear loving so others will think well of us. This is a fleshly reason to love, and if you're like me, you've fallen short, dropped the ball, and failed to love adequately. The Lord is forgiving and merciful--let's turn to Him. We'll walk together as we explore the definition of love.

Jesus is the only person who ever loved without fail. But we can't just blow off 1 Corinthians 13 because we find it difficult to do. Scottish pastor Maurice Roberts said, concerning love: "The best believers find their progress slow and their attainments meager." Lest you feel discouraged in this area, ask yourself a simple question: Am I growing in my love for others? If you're making the slightest progress, you're moving in the right direction. Even if you're going backwards, keep reading.

"And above all things have fervent love for one another" (1 Peter 1:22).

But have you noticed something? Even nonbelievers can be loving and kind. Naturally, most folks love their family, their children, their closest friends. Under normal circumstances, all of us can love to a certain extent, both Christians and nonChristians alike. "Natural affection, however, is just one of several pretenders to the kind of love only those indwelt by the Holy Spirit can express," Donald Whitney writes.

Which brings us to the matter of counterfeit love. Primarily, self-love. This is when we act loving towards an individual simply because we want the benefits from that relationship. This love-veneer is seen in romantic relationships, but others too, as with parents, children, siblings, friends, and neighbors. But this is not Christlikeness.

Another love counterfeit: when we love someone only if they're loving towards us. The moment they change, we stop loving them. This is reciprocal love, not Christian love.

Whitney points out, too, that there is a counterfeit of "unbalanced love." We pay attention to one aspect of their need, but neglect another. Jonathan Edwards expressed it like this:

"Some men show a love to others as to their outward man, they are liberal of their worldly substance, and often give to the poor; but have no love to, or concern for the souls of men. Others pretend a great love to men's souls, {but} are not compassionate and charitable towards their bodies. The making of a great show of love, pity, and distress for souls, costs 'em nothing; but in order to show mercy to men's bodies, they must part with money out of their pockets. But a true Christian herein is like the love and compassion of Jesus Christ."

Convicting? It is for me. If we truly love as Jesus loves, we'll not only speak loving things to people, we'll show them love through our actions and deeds.

Whitney's chapter, like the entire book, is rich with illustrations and truth. Let's summarize three areas that demonstrate we are growing in love.

1. Our love for other Christians will strengthen. "We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren" (1 John 3:14).

2. Our love for the lost will increase. We even begin to love our enemies.

3. We will grow more loving at home. "Nowhere are we more aware of our unloving words and ways than at home. And yet, who we really are, we are at home."

"Love is the overflow of joy in God which gladly meets the needs of others" (John Piper).

"It is love that arises from an apprehension of the wonderful riches of free grace and sovereignty of God's love to us in Christ Jesus" (Jonathan Edwards).

"The more a person loves, the more he approaches the image of God" (Martin Luther).

To cultivate a growing Christlike love for others, we need to consistently soak ourselves in God's love first. As we abide in Him, we'll learn to "walk in love as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us" (Ephesians 5:1-2).

* What relationships do you need to grow in love the most?

* Who would be able to notice a difference in you if your love became more like Christ's?

* Will you start loving people without expecting love in return?

Lord, let your love so consume me that it spills out to those around me. Let me give no thought to self, but only to love others because You first loved me.

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