Ego and Doubt

by Maurice Pujol
Published March 31, 2006

There’s an unusual story at the end of the Second Book of Samuel about one final sin committed by King David.

Now, this sin doesn’t seem so bad to modern readers. In fact, it pales in comparison with David’s earlier offenses of adultery and murder. The story, however, reminds us that sin is still sin in God’s eyes, no matter how serious or slight a particular offense may seem to us.

After being blessed by God many times over, after being delivered by God more times than he could count and after having been forgiven for his sins, David stood victorious near the end of his life. He had survived wars, rebellions, the loss of his firstborn son by Bathsheba and one of his favorite sons, Absalom, who had turned against him.

David finally reigned over a united Israel, a strong nation that had vanquished most of its enemies, a nation respected and feared by the people who lived around it. In the midst of celebrating all these blessings, David decided to take an inventory of his fighting men. He called for a census of all his able-bodied adult males, a process that took nearly 10 months.

David’s potential army, according to this Bible account, numbered 1.3 million men. But then, God’s Word says this census was a great sin that offended God. Most modern readers would wonder why. Wasn’t David just being a wise commander in chief, making an assessment of his military forces in case of future attack? Didn’t he need to know how many men he could call to be soldiers in such a circumstance?

Not so, says the Bible. David’s census was a great sin that eventually resulted in the deaths of 70,000 of his people before God stayed His hand of judgment. Why was David’s action such an affront to God? What difference does this often overlooked Bible story make to us today?

There are two important lessons David should have learned from this unfortunate event. David was haunted by two weaknesses that still affect people today, even those who have been believers for a long time.

In fact, longtime believers may be even more susceptible to one of these problems than new believers. It’s the age-old burden of “ego.” When we repent of our sins and accept Jesus as Lord, we soon discover that our lives become blessed in lots of new ways. Sure, there are still troubles and temptations. But things start turning around for us when we get saved, and we reap the benefits.

The Lord blesses us physically, financially, mentally and spiritually. Though every believer is still a “work in progress,” many good things start happening for everyone who follows Jesus as Lord.

That’s when the problem of ego creeps in. During our struggles, we don’t pay much attention to ourselves. We’re focused on the problems we’re facing, and our energies are devoted to solving them. None of us feels particularly wonderful or powerful in the midst of our trials.

When God leads us to the mountaintop, however, things change. Our troubles behind us, we survey all the many blessings that have come our way. We’re happy, healthy and relaxed – all rewards given to us through the mighty hand of God. It’s at moments like these that the temptation to forget the source of all our happiness is strongest.

This probably happened to David at the pinnacle of his success. He had worked hard for his kingdom and for God. He had put his life on the line for his Creator and his nation. He had committed grave sins and found the comfort of God’s grace and mercy in spite of them. As he grew older, David must have been feeling pretty good about himself.

“Let’s just see what a great king I am,” he probably thought. “Let’s add up how many men are at my command.”

David probably forgot Who had set him up on this high place. He ordered a census to pat himself on the back rather than give all the glory to God.

But another human weakness probably came into play here. Everyone is subject to this one as well, even veteran believers. Fear and doubt may have crept into David’s mind. After all, even though Israel was strong, not all of its enemies had disappeared. There was still the threat (as there is today) of people around Israel who wanted nothing more than to see it annihilated.

If this were the case, David again forgot the source of his power. Perhaps he wanted to assure himself that Israel would be safe and secure because of its million-man army. David sought to soothe his doubts with military reports and a pile of scrolls with the names of his fighting men on them.

David’s ordering the census, seemingly harmless on the surface, was a grave sin because it demonstrated that God was, at least for the moment, no longer first in David’s life. David wanted to stroke his ego and to erase his doubts under his own power, when all he had to do was to remember the One Who had put him on top in the first place.

Believers today are subject to the same failures of ego and doubt. Many times, as we find times of refreshing during “showers of blessings,” we find ourselves tempted to think that we are enjoying these rewards because we are so special, so wonderful and so very talented. We tend to forget that everything we are, everything we have, is a great gift from God. We hold on to these blessings only through His discretion and great mercy.

Whenever you’re tempted to pat yourself on the back, drop to your knees and acknowledge your Lord and Savior.

We are also subject to times of fear and doubt, especially when things don’t always go our way. We see someone else who fails to receive healing, and we doubt whether we can be healed of whatever illness we may have. We see someone else fall prey to Satan’s wiles, and we wonder if we’ll be able to withstand those fiery arrows. We run into a financial crisis, and we doubt that God will bother with us this time.

In whatever way fear and doubt may creep into your heart, take a stand against them immediately. Remember Jesus. Remember the joy of the day you accepted Him into your life, and the way things all changed for you then. Things are still the same today, even when circumstances may seem otherwise.

The good news for David – and us – is that God’s kindness and mercy never run out. The wellspring of his forgiveness is ever flowing, and our failures can be turned into opportunities for spiritual growth.

That’s what happened to David – and what can happen for you.

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