An Angry Saint

Anger and frustration are two of my worst enemies. The more I try to control these two powerful emotions, the greater the failure. Frustrated from guilt and embarrassment from my many outbursts, I started on a journey towards self-control. During this journey, there were several important steps.

Acknowledgement was the first step. Yes, I was angry - at the world, my father’s rejection, abandonment, and many emotional scars. Hiding behind a mask and pretending that it never happened only accelerated my problem - anger turned to wrath and wrath to action. Shaking with frustration and clutching a knife, anger got the best of me. Speeding past my brother’s ear, the knife imbedded itself in the kitchen wall. That was not the only failure. During an argument with my mother, she turned to leave the room. Bursting with anger, I swung my leg into the air. With her bones cracking and her painful cry, the full force of my leg connected with her hand. Guilty and embarrassed, I hung my head in shame.

Responsibility was my second step. As a child of God, I am to: “put off all these: anger, wrath, malice….” (Colossians 3: 8) As an ambassador of Christ, every action and spoken word reflected His character. My explosive anger did not reflect God’s character. (James 1: 20) If I did not control my anger, God would deal with my outbursts. (Hebrews 12: 6) God held me accountable for my actions.

The final step involved courageous action. The courage to deal with my problem would come from a powerful source. I needed a power that was greater than anger and frustration. Where did I find that power? That power came from this: “the exceeding greatness of His power towards us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power.” (Ephesians 1: 19) Freedom from explosive anger was my choice. With openness and honesty, I talked to the Lord about each painful hurt. Forgiveness and releasing each situation to Christ, I stepped out of my explosive anger.

In order to maintain this newly acquired peace, I searched and implemented a conflict resolution plan. This plan included confronting those whom I have wronged – have wronged me. With any future frustration I search for the root cause and deal with that cause. With regular exercise (I swim three times a week) and healthy eating, I have the physical stamina to control any further outbursts. When I am too tired, hungry or out of shape, it is difficult to control my anger.

Changing my thought patterns was the premier part of this new conflict resolution plan. Here are some of the tools that I used to change my thought process: memorize scripture (11 Timothy 3: 16, 17), think positively (Philippians 4: 8), watch or read positive material (Bible). With these tools I have put on Christ and stepped out of my anger.

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