Adam and His Rib

by Joseph Perrello
Published February 22, 2005

(Fictional Humor With a Redemtive Purpose)

Adam, the first man, had no previous experience; he had absolutely no criteria by which to make a valued judgment of any situation. The fact that he just awakened from being anesthetized during an operation in which one of his ribs was surgically removed, put him in a preliminary grogginess that impaired his reasoning. Attempting to clear his senses, he gazed bleary-eyed at the strange creature before him.

The grogginess abated and Adam studied the stunning stranger. He had seen every creature on God's good earth. The Three had commissioned him with the naming of all the creatures. Many appeared outright laughable - like that gigantic creature with the long nose and enormous floppy ears, he named "eliphanis," for instance. The eliphanis was almost hairless. Long teeth protruded from each side of its mouth, and it drank water by sucking it into its nose and squirting it into its mouth. Sometimes Adam wondered how it did so without drowning.

Other ridiculous looking creatures swung through trees, flew, slithered or crawled on the ground. The platypus, with its duck-like bill and webbed feet still puzzled him. He couldn't decide if it was a ridiculous looking bird or cross between a duck and a fish. He finally decided to call it "duckbill" and leave it at that.

This was before The Three anesthetized him. Deciding it wasn't good for him to be alone, they first took inventory of all the existing creatures in the hope of finding a suitable mate for him. They did not find one and that's when they put him to sleep. He fell asleep on a large, flat stone; when he awoke, he felt emptiness in his lower left rib cage. Something was missing!

When the grogginess subsided, his mind cleared. Taking inventory of his ribs, he guessed what happened. His missing rib was standing before him in the form of a creature so beautiful the sight rendered him almost breathless. In his wildest imaginations, he never thought such a magnificent creature could exist; he gladly would have sacrificed all his ribs for this creature!

"Adam," the Lord said, "I created this person as a companion for you; it's up to you to give her a name. Whatever you call her is all right with The Three. Just remember - I took her from your side."

God spoke that last sentence so emphatically; Adam knew it had some special significance. As Adam mulled over this point, God waited to hear what he would name the lovely new creature.

Pondering the issue, Adam rubbed his chin between a thumb and forefinger. "Hmmm, let me see now. You didn't take her from my head, so I can't rule over her. You didn't take her from my feet, so I can't trample on her. You didn't take her from my mouth so I can't yell at her. But she is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, so I'll call her, "Woman," because she was taken from my body and I must treat her as I treat myself!

"I'll name her Eve, because she shall be the mother of all the generation who shall follow us. Lord God, there is no greater gift you can ever give me here on earth, than Eve. We shall walk together side by side. You took her from close to my heart, so we'll love each other as we love ourselves. You created her especially her for me, so I'll respect and care for her as your special gift to me."

And Eve nodded approvingly.

God gazed lovingly on Adam and Eve. With His strong right hand, he made a gesture that indicated the entire Garden. I give you every tree, but one, in this garden as food. You may eat from all of them except the tree in the center of the garden. You must not even touch the fruit of that tree; if you do, you shall die!"

"Die? What is die, Lord?" Eve innocently inquired.

"Don't attempt to find out by touching that tree!"

"I'll see that she doesn't touch the tree, Lord," Adam promised.

"Good," said the Lord and vanished.

Not long after, a beautiful, shinning, walking, serpent appeared in the garden. It struck up a conversation with Eve, during which she was led to doubt the Lord's motives in prohibiting her and Adam to eat the fruit of the forbidden tree.

"God knows the fruit of that tree will make you very, very wise," the serpent told her, "God ahead; eat it. You won't really die. You will be like God, and understand good and evil."

So Eve saw the fruit was good for food, and her taste buds were tempted. She saw it was attractive to her eyes, and her covetousness was tempted. She heard it would make her as wise as God, and her haughtiness was tempted. So she ate the fruit and gave some to her husband.

And the rest is history!

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