A Troubled Marriage

by Joyce Sykes
Published July 24, 2006

Imagine being married to a man, whose very name means ‘foolish, churlish” and who without a shadow of a doubt lives up to the name. This is not a person who makes an occasional mistake or jumps to conclusions, but one who by his very nature and character is coarse and harsh. Everyone sees it, hears it, and often feels it through his actions and very choice of words.

This is clearly the case of Abigail. In I Samuel 25, Abigail’s harsh life is shared with enough detail to see clearly her agonizing marriage to Nabal. The image portrayed in the Scriptures of Nabal is that of a bully; one who instilled fear by his tongue-lashing or by the piercing glance to anyone who had incurred his displeasure. The New King James reveals in I Samuel 25: 3 “The name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail. And she was a woman of good understanding and beautiful appearance; but the man was harsh and evil in his doings. He was of the house of Caleb.”

Day in and day out Abigail continued to live in this marriage with a hard man. She lived in an era where divorce wasn’t an option. She would have to endure life with this crude hard man until death interceded. Often someone living in this atmosphere would become as harsh and critical as the wicked spouse they abided with. It had the opposite effect on Abigail. It is almost seems her attitude fulfilled a phrase you sometimes hear. “If life hands you a lemon make lemonade.”

In spite of Nabal’s crudeness and evil doings, Abigail refused to allow living with this critical husband to bring her down to his level. ‘Good understanding’ is part of the description given in Scripture of her nature. Those two words reveal so much of her heart and character. In the Strong’s Concordance the word good is defined as ‘pleasant, sweet, cheerful, gracious and good’; while the word understanding in the Strong’s refers to intelligence, wisdom and discretion. This woman was as gracious as Nabal was crude. She was as loving and wise as he was evil.

Abigail rapidly heard that once again Nabal has lived up to his name. There is little doubt this would bring death to those around her. Quickly, her decision was made to intervene for her loved ones. She would seek mercy upon her household asking David to let his wrath and judgment fall upon her. Although she hadn’t committed any offense this godly beautiful woman willingly stepped into a place that could bring death to her. Her heart was full of concern for the innocent people within her household.

As the encounter between David and Abigail commenced, he saw her courageous heart. The result of their encounter gave this future king of Israel a chance to hear her words of wisdom recognizing they were from the Lord and changed his heart. One wise and courageous woman prevented the bloody massacre of her people through a selfless act of love.

In today’s society, we see and hear of the same type of situation occurring around us. Many of us have friends who are married to ‘Nabal’. The slightest look or question sets off an unexplainable rage. The wife endures threats, cursing and attempts to destroy every ounce of confidence and self-assurance they have. Although Nabal died without any children, it seems like his direct descendents are alive even today.

Women of the Lord, if this describes your marriage, be encouraged. The Lord has not forgotten you. He will provide you with the wisdom you need to deal with your ‘Nabal’. If you have allowed his cruelness to affect your life, surrender that area back to the Lord. Allow His divine touch to make you once more an ‘Abigail – a woman of good understanding and beautiful in appearance.’

Some are in physically abusive marriages and I urge you to seek the wisdom of the Lord for your next step. For some it would be to seek a separation until the Lord has apprehended your husband’s heart. Submission does not include being physical beaten by the very one who should protect you.

You may never understand what makes your mate tick. Your job is to pray for him, seek the Lord for mercy and grace for this man in your life. There is not a single woman alive who can make a lasting change on a man, but the Lord we serve is more than able to capture his heart.

As you surrender your husband before the throne of God, I pray the Lord will touch you right where you are. May He minister His peace, love and mercy. He has promise to never leave you nor forsake you. Allow His arms of love to embrace you, drawing you close. Seek His wisdom to walk as a woman of the Lord.

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