A Mother Knows

by Tom Gilbert
Published May 1, 2006

I never saw my Mom pregnant. Or if I did I certainly don’t remember it. I’m the middle child of three. My sister is three years older and my brother is just eighteen months younger. So, my mother was towing me around as a toddler by the time my brother was born.

Now that I have a couple of children of my own I have personal experience with a pregnant woman. Guys, let’s face it – we won’t ever truly appreciate what women go through during those months of carrying a child, let alone the whole labor and birth experience. All we can do is be supportive and in awe.

God’s mystery of creation and the differences between men and women is impressive. Women have so many special gifts that are hard for the male species to understand, let alone appreciate. The ability to carry a new life and eventually give birth is got to be in the top three. Right up there is the long-suffering acceptance, encouragement and nurturing that they give to their children.

I don’t have a lot of vivid memories as a young child. But I do remember my Mom being there for me. She would instruct. She’d enforce rules. She’d agonize over my rebellion. And now, many years later she has an amazing intuition for helping me grow spiritually.

As I’ve walked my path over the years I keep getting surprised at how Mom knows what to say or pass on. We live cities and many miles apart. She sends cards and letters – often apologizing for writing when she seems to be in regular correspondence, especially compared to my more infrequent replies. She says things to me that are full of deep meaning, wisdom and truth that I often don’t absorb until much later. And she has an uncanny knack for sending me books that are just what I need at the time – and for some time to come.

Not long after college my mom sent me a “Good News” Bible. In the front she wrote what has become one of my favorite verses, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 - NIV). Boy, I’ve sure seen how true that is, not just for me but for countless others. God can take what we consider bad, even horrible and tragic things, and work His grace and mercy so that good results.

My mother likes to read page-turning novels and she’s turned me on to some great ones. They don’t have to be spiritual, but often they are. My first exposure to a Graham Greene novel was at her encouragement. And she has sent me some incredible devotionals as well as spiritually rich and challenging books by Oswald Chambers, Thomas Merton, Thomas Keating and Joseph Girzone. Occasionally I’ve been able to return the favor and introduce her to authors I’ve discovered.

One of the things I’ve been grateful for is the gentle persistence from my mom to check out Richard Rohr’s writing and teaching. I live in Albuquerque where the Center for Action and Contemplation is located, but it took me a few years to finally investigate. My mother’s voice kept coming to me, perhaps working together with the Holy Spirit, “I think Richard Rohr is in Albuquerque. You should check it out.” That has resulted in some great friendships with people at the CAC, some wonderful lessons from Rohr and my involvement in male spirituality.

Just a few months ago I remarked to my mother that Richard Rohr had mentioned his favorite mystic was Julian of Norwich. A few days later in the mail she sent her own copy of Julian’s writings.

Our relationship today is wonderful, but I gave Mom more than a few sleepless nights in my earlier years. I was a rebellious lad and got into trouble from time to time. When I went off to college I was very anxious to spread my wings – and I did! Returning home for the summer after my freshman year I continued to stay out late at night and do what I wanted. After all, I was an adult now. My mom had a hard time letting go to that, but reportedly a clergy friend took her aside and said, “Now Jeanne, when Tom was away at school did you sit up all night worrying about him?” She got the hint, but I can see now that it’s tough for the mother hen not be concerned.

It’s not unusual for us to idealize our parents. Yet, we all go through the ups and downs that come in the journey of life. I know that my mom has grown through her trials, tribulations, errors and faith. I have to resist putting her on a pedestal that makes her out to be “perfect”. Nobody deserves that kind of pressure.

I do hope that I continue to grow in appreciation for what my mother does for her children, her husband/my dad, her friends and strangers. It does influence me as a parent and a person. It’s God working through us all and a very real demonstration of Romans 8:28

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